Episode 3 - I promise I can handle it

I stayed in the hospital overnight; the following day, nurses came around to do their rounds. Hours later, one of the doctors who was present during the surgery walked into my room while the hubby was downstairs trying to get food

Because I felt something was off, I couldn’t wait to see a doctor. I had only one question and needed an answer as soon as possible. 

So he walked in, we exchanged pleasantries, and he told me he was part of the team during the surgery. He asked how I was feeling and told me that my doctor (Dr. E) will give me updates at my post-op appointment in two weeks.

But there was a burning question on my heart I needed an answer to my question. And at the same time, I did not want to know because what if the thing I feared the most would be my reality?

I could not find the courage to ask until he was about to exit the room. As he was about to exit the room, I in mustered the courage to speak.

I said, “I know the surgery took longer than expected, and I feel like something is off. I have a question for you.”

He said sure, you can ask

I asked, “Will I ever be able to have children?”

The look on his face was the confirmation I needed that something was off.

He looked at me and said, “You will get to talk to De E in two weeks, and he will tell you everything you need to know.”

But there was no way I was going to sit with what-ifs for two weeks; that would drive me crazy.

So I looked him dead in the eye and asked again, “Will I be able to have children?”

I followed with, “Please tell me. I need to know, and I promise I can handle it. I can handle whatever you have to say.”

He looked at me and shook his head to signal a “No”

He said “The answer was NO, you cannot have children”.

I went blank for a hot minute. Mind you I was in pain from surgery, weak and drugs were still in my system.

I heard him talking (bet he was trying to explain) but I did not hear a thing. I was just blank and numb.

The last thing I heard was “Dr. E will have a conversation with you when you meet him”.

Then he left the room

What did I hear? That I could never have children? My heart was racing so fast, and I wasn’t sure how to process it. 

Even something inside me knew that something was off the day before. The last thing on my mind was, “Oh, you can’t have children.”

It felt like I was in a trance or that I was dreaming.

The hubby makes it up to my room, but I decide not to speak on it until we meet Dr. E. because a part of me is in denial and hopeful that Dr. E will say it’s all a big joke. 

To be continued.