Episode 1 - The Beginning

I woke up one morning in 2019 with intense pain in my lower left abdomen. It lasted two days, then disappeared (or so I thought). It appeared the following month, stayed a few days, and disappeared. It happened again the next month for about a week, then disappeared. 

At this point, I knew in my heart that something was wrong. And I hadn't said anything to anyone the whole time, not even my husband. I would bear the pain and suffer in silence. Then it happened again in the fourth month - and an interesting thing is that the pain intensified each month. Each month was more painful than the previous. 

When the pain came back on the first day of the fourth month, I finally told my husband. And I let him know that it had been happening, but then it disappeared, so I thought it would disappear. Little did I know that life was about to be brutal. This time, the pain did not go away, and it was the highest form of pain I had experienced physically in my entire life. 

For two weeks, I was in agony, and the only way I made it through the days and nights was to hope that it would disappear. I could not sleep, cried, and groaned.  We rushed to the ER and Urgent Care multiple times, but they could not tell us what was wrong

Days and weeks passed, and life became miserable. When I say pain, I cannot describe it using a scale. My poor husband and I were not sleeping at all. While the world seemed quiet, we sat on the floor every night. He was helpless as he watched me crying, groaning, and holding my left side. All he could do was just be there - sometimes, I would squeeze the flesh so hard that it became red. But I couldn't even feel myself squeeze and hit my side. 

No medication worked. 

I prayed

I cried out to God

I fasted 

And nothing worked. 

Some days, to spare my husband (he's been through it), I would lie and fake strength that I was okay and wanted to watch TV, so I would stay in the living room and join him later. Once he left, I would bury my face in the throw pillow and scream. The pain was taking everything from me. 

I finally decided to see a doctor as it got worse over the days, weeks, and months. It affected the quality of my life.

I saw the doctor, and she said, “I think I know what is going on, and if it is what I suspect, then I have to refer you to another doctor. He is one of the best in the DMV area to handle this.”

While we waited, the hubs and I had little to no sleep. Even if I chose to be in another room so that he could sleep because he had work, he wouldn't let me be alone. He would sit on the floor, hug, and rub my back. On good days, his comfort allowed me to sleep for a couple of hours, and then the pain woke me up. 

There were nights I sat in the green chair in the living room while the world was so quiet. I would stare at the skies and ask God why. I cried every night till I had no more tears. Sometimes, It felt like closing my eyes and never waking up was the best way out, so I would close my eyes and pray for just that.

There were days I had dangerous thoughts. I would look at my hand on my side, look at the knives on the kitchen counter, and welcome thoughts of going in myself to pull out whatever was causing this pain. I imagined myself pulling it out many times, and it became real.

I scheduled an appointment with the doctor I was referred to, and the day finally came for me to see him. 

When he saw me, his first words were I know someone in pain when I see them, and you look like you are in severe pain. 

We talked, and he said, “I think I know what it is, but we must go in and see. If it is what I think it is, then the only definitive way to diagnose it is through a laparoscopy.” 

So then I ask, what do you suspect it is? 

He said Endometriosis. 

I’m sitting there with the hubs, hearing these medical terms for the first time - laparoscopy, endometriosis, etc. 

I did not know what he was talking about, but he started breaking it down to me 

While ultrasound and MRI scans can sometimes detect endometriosis, especially the only definitive way to diagnose it is through a surgical procedure where a camera is inserted into the abdomen to visualize the tissue. 

I said cool, let’s do it. Anything to relieve me from this pain

We did what we had to do, and surgery was scheduled. I had to wait for another month.

The procedure was scheduled for July 2019

In the meantime, I still had sleepless nights from the pain and counting down to the day of the procedure. I also started doing more research on endometriosis

Some days, I had questions for God

On other days, I was begging him to take the pain

And some days, I had nothing but tears.

The day came, and I finally had my surgery

To be continued….(just getting started)